You think you are mentally and emotionally ready to be a parent?

This is a mini-series, PLANING, for new parents and couples planning to be parents, special emphasis on the dads/male partners. In this series I will be discussing points on readying yourself for a child - mentally, emotionally, financially, work-life-management and sacrifices. So if you are one of the above or know any such couples then I suggest you bookmark this series. I will be walking you through my experiences of planning to be a parent.

So first up in the series of Being Prepared is - Mental Preparation

We live in a fast-paced world, yesterday was nice and slow, today is just a blur. Can you imagine bringing in/up a child in this out-of-focus world, trying your best to to focus on yet another responsibility that is solely yours and your partner’s. Can you do it? Or rather, do you want to do it? Is your mind prepared for it? There are the questions you must have an answers to before you decide to have a child.

Before I became a dad, these were some important points that I asked myself, and gauge if I was mentally prepared to introduce this world to our child

PARTNER CONVERSATION

This might seem like the most obvious first step, but in today’s day and age, even the obvious cannot be overstated. When I started speaking with my partner about us being parents, it was heartening to know how quickly we agreed on the idea of having child(ren). It is a moment that mentally affects you in the long run but the satisfaction of how two people came together and strongly agreed on a life changing event is overwhelming. Getting to an agreement is just the first step though, but an important one.

EMOTIONS

What are the feelings gushing through you when you ask yourself about having a child? If there is even the slightest inkling of doubt then don’t go through with it, mentally you need to be 110%. Please understand that you are going to bring a new human being in your life and not a toy that you play with for a few days and eventually left in a corner to collect dust. Thanks to higher levels of mental health awareness, people are mindful of their needs, so only and only if the thought of having a child brings you immense joy and happiness then go through with it.

TAKING UP THIS EXTRA RESPONSIBILITY

Please don’t be that guy - “let it happen, then we’ll figure it out”. This is not some project or some work contract that you need to complete, it’s a child we are talking about. It requires a lifetime commitment to share responsibilities with your partner for the best care of your child. There has to be crystal clarity in your mind that you, as a parent, will have to play the part and not just outsource it to your partner. Remember - It takes two to make, and two to raise

HOME SITUATION

This depends on whether you are in a joint family or nuclear. Indian families tend to have a collective view on having children; I bet all married couples would have gone through the “So-when-are-you-giving-the-good-news” experience with their immediate AND extended family. It’s important to study the family situation and then take a call if it is a conducive environment to bring in and raise the child

EQUAL PARENTING

Speaking of responsibility, the sad part about this is that partners (dads especially) need to be reminded that parenting is equal responsibility. With both partners working and trying to build a career, raising a family has to be shared equally. The burden cannot be shifted to one partner and the other one shows up as per convenience. Children are hard work. Attune your mindset to this fact sooner than later.

So, coming back to the question:

You think you are mentally and emotionally ready to be a parent?

The simple answer is, start with a conversation with your partner and make sure that you’ll are aligned to all aspects of starting a family because remember you come first for each other, the child comes later.