Valentine’s Day is here, a day when we celebrate love, romance, and the magic of falling in love. But while we spend this day building the virtues of love, it’s important that we talk about the flip side: what happens when relationships hit rough patches and don’t work out. In the midst of all the heart-shaped confetti, it’s crucial to acknowledge that sustaining love requires more than just butterflies in your stomach—it demands grit, resilience and a relentless willingness to fight for what matters.
I, at a young age of 41, found myself in a thought-provoking conversation with a young man in his late 20s. We were discussing how marriage is undeniably a lot of work, and how finding the right partner involves not just compatibility but also a whole lot of luck. I confessed that I felt incredibly fortunate to have found someone who complements me. I wasn’t prepared for his response - he claimed that his generation has lost the will to fight for a relationship. Intrigued by his perspective, I egged him on write down his thoughts and share his feelings with the world.
The following article is his take on the state of modern relationships—a raw, unfiltered look at where the fight has gone in love.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the individual interviewed and reflect her personal experiences and perspectives.
The Grit of Past Relationships
There was a time when relationships were built of real grit—a time when both partners were willing to dig deep, fight through hardships, and grow together. Today, however, I along with many of my peers feel that this fighting spirit has faded. Where is the fight in today’s relationships?
When conflicts emerged or when life threw obstacles in the path, the response was not to run away but to figure out solutions together. The mindset was straightforward: if things got tough, the instinct was to fight for what mattered. Couples would roll up their sleeves, work on themselves, and put in the hard work required to keep their bond strong. The journey wasn’t always pretty, but the shared commitment meant that even after the honeymoon phase faded, the relationship would continue to evolve through mutual effort.
The Wall of Spirit Is Showing Cracks
Fast-forward to today, and the picture looks starkly different. We're talking about a mentality where it has become so weak that people in relationships decide that it's better to take the easier way out, and that is to get out of a relationship. So when the going gets tough, it's time to move to the next, or it's time to get out of this one.Today’s relationships often seem to revolve around the individual rather than the couple. Instead of asking, “What can we do to overcome this?” the reaction is often, “I don’t have the emotional or mental bandwidth for this right now.” The value of a relationship is frequently reduced to merely a support system—a temporary fix for emotional gaps.
The Shift Toward Individualism
Modern life is undeniably hectic. With demanding work schedules, personal responsibilities, and an always-on digital world, many claim they simply don’t have the bandwidth to address relationship issues. Yet at the heart of the matter is the willingness to put the relationship first, viewing challenges not as insurmountable obstacles but as opportunities to grow stronger together.
This mindset requires both mental and emotional maturity—a quality that seems increasingly rare today. In the past, couples often operated as a single unit, thinking “us” against the world. Today, however, a “me-first” attitude prevails, where each partner focuses primarily on their own needs and aspirations, neglecting the collective well-being of the relationship.
It’s not that love or care has disappeared; rather, the determination to endure hardships together has faded. As the initial spark wanes and everyday pressures mount, many find it easier to give up rather than invest the effort needed to overcome difficulties.
Personal Reflections and Real Experiences
I had been single long enough to finally feel ready for a relationship. Perhaps the timing was off, although I am not blaming anyone for what went wrong. But I was prepared to fight for our love, just like couples of the past who would work through challenges—even after a breakup, for old times’ sake or for the sake of their children or whatever gave them reason to be cordial with each other. Unfortunately, the fight I was ready to give wasn’t reciprocated, and the relationship just ended like that, even though a part of me still hoped we could make it work.
Reflecting on both my own experiences I see a clear contrast between what I consider the “old-school” mentality and the current trend. For me, a relationship is far more than a convenient partnership—it’s a commitment to growth, sacrifice and mutual progress. I believe that compromises are not only inevitable but essential. After all, we are two separate brains—two distinct hard drives installed from day one—and when these systems collide, mismatches are bound to happen. The key is figuring out which wavelengths work and which don’t..
In my experience, this approach has been crucial. I’ve seen that when both partners are willing to adjust and find common ground, even the toughest challenges can be overcome. Conversely, when one person isn’t on board with the idea of compromise, it can make it nearly impossible to create a lasting connection.
A Call to Rediscover Resilience
The conversation about where the fight is in today’s relationships is a challenge for the future. It calls on us to re-examine our priorities and question whether we are ready to put in the hard work required for a truly lasting connection.
Ultimately, relationships are meant to be a partnership where two individuals work together to overcome life’s challenges. We need to ask ourselves: Are we willing to fight for our love, invest in our growth, and reclaim the strength and grit that once defined meaningful relationships.
