“A homemaker opens the main door over 2000 times annually, to receive guests, groceries, delivery and family. She is the face of the house, but in all likelihood, she is not the owner of the house“

My wife and I always find ways to have conversations about money and independence with our only daughter. We started doing this when she was 4 years old. This was important to us and needless to say, important for her as well. Having your own house, especially for a woman is a big YES in today’s world.

Very recently I connected with an old college mate of mine, Raika Gazdar, a media professional from Mumbai and a mother of two. She started an initiative called “Ek Makaan Bahu Beti Ke Naam”. I was so intrigued by the name to begin with and the overall concept. So I called her and requested her to tell me more about this. She agreed to chat and what followed is a Q&A between Raika and me:

Q1. What prompted you to start this initiative “Ek Makaan Bahu Beti Ke Naam”?

Firstly, I get a lot of flak for this name, people just find it weird. Do you find it weird? I said I don’t. Feeling satisfied she continued. This whole issue of women not having a home to their name is as old as time and in my generation I have some sense of this because I come from a family of 4 sisters. Having worked in the media industry for close to 2 decades and dealing with all sorts of people. I see that women find themselves trapped in marriages that are beyond salvaging, may it be love, arrange, arranged-love whatever it is. They have no place to go, because the house is either in the husband’s name or the father-in-law’s name and she has nothing to herself. And just this thought got me thinking that I need to do something for these women, in whatever capacity that I can. So currently I am just gather content to let people know that there are just so many women out there who don’t have anything to their name and this is like a silent pandemic.

Q2. Growing up as four sisters did you experience something similar?

I remember this one incident so clearly; my mom and I had gone sari shopping for my elder sister’s wedding. Now you know how these sari shops are, most of them are men who are selling to you, well at least back in my time. Now the guy selling you the clothes knows exactly what you want and will very sweetly chat with you, reeling you in nicely to make the sale. While he’s displaying the sarees, he casually turns to me and asks me “so is it your wedding?”, I said “no no, my elder sister’s wedding”, also nonchalantly added that we are 4 sisters in total. And the sparkle in his eyes just dimmed a little. Suddenly he started talking to my mother with almost a hint of pity, “oh wow you four daughters, how did you manage them?” blah blah. Now here is the weird part. All this while he was showing us sarees in the range of Rs. 2000 to 2500, and as soon as he heard that we are 4 sisters, he started showing us sarees in the range of Rs. 250 to 400. And I just couldn’t fathom the fact that how has the information of us growing up as 4 sisters had had such an adverse effect on a complete stranger, when we as a family didn’t even think about it even once! This story is almost two decades old but you know what the sad part is? That this is the reality even today.

Q3. That is sad, I am sure this was not the only incident that must have prompted you to start your initiative, there has to be something more?

Nadir I have 57 such stories, but I don’t think this article will have the bandwith for it all. I have been in the media industry for over 2 decades and have worked a good many years in Delhi. I remember when my daughter was born I had bought these expensive chocolates to give in the office. A couple of years later when my son was born I had again given some sweets, and a few of them who remembered what I had given when my daughter was born, commented “how come you are giving such inexpensive sweets for the birth of your son and such expensive chocolates when your daughter was born? You should be going all out because now you have a son” And I was just stumped by this observation, even in today’s day and age we have this sort of thinking. These people have already dismissed the girl before she has even taken her first breath, so imagine what happens when she grows up and realises how difficult it is to get something to her name, especially a house.

Q4. I don’t like saying this, but it doesn’t surprise me, it should, but it doesn’t. But have you come across an incident where a married woman has been ousted from her husband’s house?

There was this woman I knew, I will not name her. Went through a bad marriage and ultimately got divorced. And guess what? She had nowhere to go because that house did not belong to her. She came from an army family and her father would help her in getting a flat for which he paid rent. She had no means of earning, but I helped her out and made sure she got a job that ensured an income. And the sad part is that these women are not welcome in their own homes because of family dynamics, like, a son and his wife or joint family situation where there is just no longer any room for her and it’s just plain sad. There was another woman I knew, who would wash and hang clothes are 3am because that was the only time slot she would get the washing machine after all the other family members in the house were done with it, during waking hours. It is just so pitiful!

Q5. What is your message for today’s girls?

Having worked in corporations, made me realise the importance of making your own money. I bought a small flat as soon as I was financially ready and this was on my name. It might not be in a posh locality but at least it is mine. If something happens to me tomorrow at least i’ll have something to fall back on. And this is exactly what I want to tell young girls today - work, be independent, make lots of money and the first thing you do is buy your own house, make sure you are the first holder. Don’t depend on anyone else, especially a man to do it for you. Today’s things are moving at break-neck speed and you don’t want to fall off that wagon and have no place to go. Always have a place, your place.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the individual interviewed and reflect her personal experiences and perspectives.