Why is it so important to have a good partner?

My wife and I recently celebrated 10 years of our marriage. Thanks to the addictive qualities of social media, we consume content about all sorts of anti-social elements; naturally we found ourselves discussing how ending up with the right partner is just like winning a lottery. We couldn’t help but agree that luck had a huge role to play in us coming together and celebrating the fact that neither of us ended up with a “questionable” person. 

Marriage is hard work and both partners are equally responsible for making it work, but luck does its thing too. Ironically, my wife and I met online. It started with attraction but slowly and steadily the feeling blended into that of carefully sizing up one another. We had to understand each other, who we are, our families, our work, our future plans, outlook on marriage and parenting. We did this slowly and steadily, not rushing into things.

To an outsider we might come across as a happily married couple but only my wife and I know the kind of ups and downs we've been through. Happiness is not a constant in life, it will come for a brief moment and disappear, in some cases, altogether for long periods of time before you experience it again. The aim is to be content with each other with all goodness and faults. There are certain things that you will want to consider while choosing your partner, irrespective of love or arranged marriage. 

Here is my Top 5:

ATTRACTION

In situations that we experience for the first time, we rely on our eyes. It is very important that you are attracted to your partner. Physical attractiveness is a strong initial draw, the rest can follow - emotional attachment, consideration, personality, etc. But of course this is not exactly a rule to go by, but it’s just a very human trait to look at someone that has an appealing factor

PERSONALITY CHECK

Hang out with your potential partner for as long as you can and in different situations. What are they like on a date, not just the first one but multiple ones? Because that is when they will truly let their guard down. What is their behaviour towards different sets of people - family, friends, waiters, domestic help, professionals, etc.? If possible, travel with them for a short or a long trip (if your family dynamics allow it). My father always told me that to understand a person’s true nature, travel with them. Another important marker for me is temperament, does he/she get angry too fast? Do they indulge in casual lying? Does he/she resort to emotional blackmailing? Is he/she cognizant of my feelings or are they dismissive about it? These markers help you understand what this person is going to be like in the long run

LONG TERM PLANS

This was very important for me personally because I am a long-term sort of a person. I plan things very carefully and it was imperative for me to be with someone who also had a similar viewpoint. But one needs to clearly understand their partner’s point of view of the future, not everything can be spontaneous or “we’ll-figure-it-out-as-we-go-along”. Life is getting more and more unpredictable by the day and the last thing you need is someone who doesn’t have much of a plan for the future.

FINANCIAL COMMITMENTS

It would be naive to assume that money plays no part in a relationship, we all know the importance of it because it can make or break a relationship. Have a very clear understanding of your partner’s expenditures and habits directly related to money. Catch the early signs: does he/she spend money on unnecessary things? Do they save enough? Do they know when to hold back on purchasing when times are tough? Are they investing enough for the future, especially when things go wrong? These are difficult conversations but it is necessary to have it, the sooner the better

ADAPTABILITY

My biggest learning while being married is being adaptable. You need to be open to feedback because the person who loves you the most, knows you the most and cares enough to help you embrace a positive change. Being rigid is not going to help you grow or change for the better. The more inclined you are to being adaptable the better the chances of being content with your partner and the future.

Marriage is hard work. There is no sleeping beauty nor a knight in shining armour nor happily ever after. Marriage is learning to compromise, it is about understanding when to back down. You cannot just talk about sacrifices to sound cool, you have to make them. Marriage is not about going with the flow, but swimming against the tide. You must understand each other's needs and wants because marriage is one institution where being selfish doesn't help either partner.

Coming back to my question 

Why is it so important to have a good partner?

There is a line from the Hindi Show Panchayat (Season 3) that I absolutely loved “kundali miley ya na miley, vicharon ka milna bohot zaroori hai”, translated to “Whether or not horoscopes match, it is very important that thoughts match.” I think I cannot give a better answer than this.